Things Not to Say at Victoria’s Secret

#10 Does this come in children’s sizes?
#9 No Thanks. Just Sniffing.
#8 I’ll be in the dressing room going blind.
#7 Mom will love this.
#6 Oh the size won’t matter. She’s inflatable.
#5 No need to wrap it up. I’ll eat it here.
#4 Will you model this for me???
#3 The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!
#2 45 bucks?? You’re just gonna end up NAKED anyway!!

And the number one thing that a man should never, ever
say out loud in Victoria’s Secret:

#1 Oh, honey, you’ll never squeeze your fat ass into that!

Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

“My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood. The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!!!

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again; this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

“My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood. Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf this time crouched down behind a road sign.

“My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf,” taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams…

“Will you get lost! I’m trying to poop!”

I’m Caught Red Handed And I Need An Excuse Fast

The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies
together as they gyrated to their own tattoo. The woman cocked her ear, “Quick! My husband’s coming through the front door! Hide in the bathroom!” she cried.

The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door.

“What are you doing lying on the bed naked?” he asked.

“Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to
receive you.” she replied with a knowing smile.

“Great,” he said, “I’ll just nip into the bathroom and I’ll be with you in two shakes.”

Before she could stop him, he was into the bathroom where he found a man clapping his hands together in mid-air.

“Who the devil are you!” the husband demanded.

“I’m from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in to get rid of these pesky moths,” the lover replied.

“But … but you’ve got no clothes on?” stammered the husband.

The lover looked down and jumped backwards in surprise and said, “The little bastards!”

SECURITY NOTICE

We’ve just been notified by Security that there have been six suspected terrorists working out of your office. Five of the six have been apprehended; Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody. Security advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the sixth cell member, Bin Workin, at your office. Security is confident that anyone who looks like he’s Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.

You are obviously not a suspect at this time.

A list of Redneck Jokes

If you think a cudzu vine is a privacy hedge you might be a redneck.

If you had to rearrange your living room furniture to fit your motorcycle you might be a redneck.

If you have ever used platic wrap for your back window in your car you might be a redneck.

If you take better care of your lawn mower than your family you might be a redneck.

If your neighbor flushes their toilet and the level of your pool drops you might be a redneck.

If you have ever slammed the door so hard that it knocked your house down off the concrete blocks you might be a redneck.

If your wife ever said, “Take this transmission out of the bath tub” you might be a redneck.