Category: Animals


Praying Parrots

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquired.

“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'”

“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”

“Thank you!” the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots. Immediately, the female parrots say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!”

Mayorial Mule

A Pastor went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the pastor to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.

Now the pastor knew the mayor and was not too eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the pastor called him anyway.

The mayor did not disappoint him. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, “Why did you call me any way? Isn’t it your job to bury the dead?”

The pastor paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. Then, he replied “Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!”

Indian and the Ventriloquist

A ventriloquist was walking on the street, when he saw an old Indian sitting on the side with his dog, his horse and his sheep. He thought it would be good idea to have a little fun with that Indian.

So he went to the Indian and asked him:

– “Would you mind if I talked a few words with your dog?”

– “Dog doesn’t talk!

So the ventriloquist said to the dog:

– “Hello, how are you doing? Is your master treating you well?”

– “Oh yes, He gives me enough food every day, walks with me every few hours, and he often plays with me!”

The Indian was very astonished. Then the ventriloquist asks:

– “Would you mind if I talked a few words to your horse?”

– “Horse doesn’t talk!”

So he says to the horse:

– “Hello! How are you? Is your master treating you well?”

– “Oh yes, he gives me enough food, rides me every day and gives me a nice warm place to sleep.”

The Indian is completely stunned.

Then the ventriloquist says:

– “Would you mind if I talked a few words to your sheep?”

– “Sheep lies!”