Category: Body / Anatomy / Health


Ed Zachary Disease

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr. Chang, the well known Chinese sex therapist.

So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, “OK, take off all you crose.” The woman did as she was told.

“Now, get down and craw reery reery fass to odder side of room.” Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, “OK, now craw reery reery fass back to me.” So she did. Dr.Chang slowly shook his head and said, “Your probrem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I ever see, dat why you not haf sex or dates.”

Confused, the woman asked, “Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?”

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eyes and replied, “Ed Zachary disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass.”

Daughters

An Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman were chatting about their teenage daughters one day when the Englishman says, “I was cleaning my daughter’s room the other day and I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as i didn’t even know that she smoked.”

The Scotsman says, “Thats nothing to worry about, the other day I was in my daughter’s room when I found a bottle of vodka. I was horrified as I didn’t even know that she drank at all.”

The Irishman says, “Thats nothing, you two have nothing to worry about at all. The other day I was in my daughter’s room and I found a packet of condoms. I was disgusted as I didn’t even know she had a penis.”

Chapped Cowboy

The old cowboy came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.

“Howdy stranger.”

“Howdy sheriff.”

The old cowboy then walks to the rear of his horse, lifts the tail and plants a big kiss right where the sun don’t shine. He dropped the horse’s tail, stepped up on the porch and aimed toward the swingin’ doors of the saloon.

The sheriff says, “Hold on mister. Did I see what I thought I just saw?”

“Reckon you did sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips.”

“And that cures them?”

“Nope, but it keeps me from licking them.”

The Chastity Belt

King Arthur was in Merlin’s laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

“Why this is no good, Merlin!” the king exclaimed, “Just look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?”

“Ah, sire, just observe,” said Merlin.

He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

“Merlin, you are a genius!” exclaimed the grateful monarch. “Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.”

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest.

Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal “short arm” inspection. Sure enough, each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way.

All of them, except Sir Galahad.

“Sir Galahad,” exclaimed King Arthur. My one and only true knight. Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!”

But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.

Top Ten Things Men Would Do If They Had a Vagina For a Day

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do splits.

7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes … BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam & ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.

And, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina …

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Social Security

A retired gentlemen went into the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.

“Will I have to go home and come back now?” he asks.

The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.”

So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,” and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, “You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.”

Being Observant

Bill was in a terrible accident at work. Oddly, however, the only permanent damage done to him was that both of his ears were amputated. But, because he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way.

One day, Bill decided to invest his money in a small, but growing computer business. And, after weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him.

The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, Bill asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?” And the gentleman answered, “Why yes. I couldn’t help but notice you have no ears.” Bill got very angry and threw him out.

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question, “Do you notice anything different about me?” And she replied, “Well, you have no ears.” Bill again was upset and tossed her out.

The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Bill was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question, “Do you notice anything different about me?”

And to his surprise, the young man answered, “Yes, you wear contact lenses.”

Bill was shocked, and said, That’s incredibly observant, young man. How in the world did you know that?

The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, “Well, it’s pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!”

Ladies Night

The other day, my friends and I went to a “Ladies Night Club.” One of the other girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male “dancer” came over to us, my friend licked the $10 and stuck it to his butt cheek …

Not to be outdone, another friend pulled out a $20 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the $20 bill, and put stuck it to his other butt cheek …

In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulled out a $50 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the $50 bill, and again stuck it to one of his butt cheeks …

Now the attention was focused on me. What could I do to top that? I got out my wallet, thought for a minute, and then the financial analyst in me took over. I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the $80 bucks, and went home …

Two Nuns

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

“Who is it?” calls one of the nuns.

“The Blind man,” replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. “Nice breasts,” says the man, “where do you want these blinds?”