Category: Gender


Top 10 Reasons Men Should Join the Church Choir

10. Rehearsals are every Wednesday night. Which means that for those few hours, you will significantly reduce your risk of contracting tendinitis from nonstop operation of a television remote control or computer mouse.

9. Because you wear a choir robe every Sunday, you are liberated from a task many men find quite challenging: finding clothes that match properly.

8. From your special vantage point every Sunday, in which you look out at the entire congregation from the choir seats, you will develop interesting new hobbies. Among these is a little guessing game called “Who’s Praying, Who’s Sleeping?”

7. On the other hand, sitting in full view of 400-500 people on a weekly basis makes it much less likely that you yourself will give in to a chronic lack of sleep. Although it has been known to happen.

6. If you think your singing in the shower sounds good now, just wait till you’ve been singing with us for a few weeks.

5. Singing in a choir is one of the few activities for men that does not require electronics equipment or expensive power tools. This could be good for the family budget.

4. For the fitness buffs, singing in the Choir is not only heart healthy, it’s soul healthy. But there are no monthly membership fees, and it’s a lot easier on the knees than jogging.

3. If you think you’ve done everything there is to do, and there are no great challenges left in life, try singing with us guys and staying on pitch.

2. Choir rehearsal lasts half as long as a professional football game, but is at least twice as satisfying. This is especially true if you are a long-suffering fan of the Miami Dolphins. (Don’t worry, though, the rehearsals are on Wednesday, not Monday Nights.)

AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON MEN SHOULD JOIN THE CHOIR:
1. When people ask you whether you’ve been behaving yourself, you can say with the utmost sincerity, “Hey, I’m a Choir Boy.”

10 Reasons E-mail is like a Penis

10. Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.

9. Those who have it think that those who don’t are somehow inferior.

8. Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s neat, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

7. Many of those who don’t have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call “E-mail Envy.”

6. It’s more fun when it’s up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.

4. If you don’t take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.

3. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

2. If you’re not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY E-MAIL IS LIKE A PENIS:

1. If you play with it too much, you’ll go blind.

Computer Gender

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like ‘chalk’ or ‘pencil,’ she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral.

Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, “What gender is a computer”?

The teacher wasn’t certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Beach Learning

A mother and father took their six year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had breasts bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why.

She told her son, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.”

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger members than his dad.

His mother replied, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.”

Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.

Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, “Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.”

Who’s Who

One morning, a mailman called on one of his regular customers and was surprised to see a white bed sheet with a hole in the middle hanging up in her living room. The housewife explained that she’d had a party the night before, they had played a game called “Who’s Who,” in which each of the men had put their “equipment” through the hole and the women had tried to guess their identity.

“Gee, that sounds like fun,” said the mailman. “Sure wish I’d been there.”

“You should have been,” the housewife informed him. “Your name came up three times.”

T-Shirts for Women Who Take No Crap

1- I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.

2- Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

3- Remember my name – you’ll be screaming it later.

4- Of course I don’t look busy. I did it right the first time.

5- Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

6- I’m multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

7- Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

8- You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

9- Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.

10- Guys have feelings too. But like … who cares?

11- I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.

12- Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

13- I hate everybody, and you’re next.

14- Please don’t make me kill you.

15- And your point is …

16- I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re OK now.

17- All stressed out and no one to choke.

18- I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.

19- How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

20- Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.