Giving Up Drugs

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I’ll see you back in court Monday.

Monday, the two guys were in court; and the judge said to the first one, “How did you do over the weekend?” “Well, Your Honour, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.” “17 people? That’s wonderful. What did you tell them?” “I used a diagram, Your Honour. I drew two circles like this

Iraq

Q: What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing,…yet.

Q: Why is it twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.

Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A: B-52…F-16…B-1… F-111… F-117… B-2

Q: What is Iraq’s national bird?
A: Duck

Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air Force.

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where the heck those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador

Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They can’t turn them on anyway.

Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of $800,000.

Q: “How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
A: “We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time.”

Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.

Q: What’s the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?
A: Aeroflot has killed more people.

Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Generous Barber

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut but the barber refused saying “I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man – you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying “I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man – you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying “I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man – you serve the justice system.” The next morning the barber found a dozen more lawyers waiting for a haircut.