1. Rise at 5:30 and Wet-nose the master.
2. Go you and Pee on the world.
3. Make Poopy.
4. Sniff Poopy.
5. Seriously consider eating poopy.
6. Eat funny looking bug instead.
7. Throw up bug parts on living room rug.
8. Drink out of ‘magic well’
9. Sleep for 17 hours. Start process over.
(Optional: 10. Roll around in filth and lavish master with kisses.)
There were these two guys who went fishing, one guy got stung by a bee. “Damn”, he said, “every time I turn around I get stung.” The other guy says, “hell, you could tie me to that tree down there naked and I would never get stung.”
The other guy took him up on it and tied him to a tree naked. He walked back up threw the pasture and crossed the fence and went to the next bar. A couple of hours later the guy remembered his friend he rushed back and he was slumped over out cold.
The guy says, “hey, wake up did ya get stung? did ya get stung?”
The guy was pissed, “NO, YOU son of a bitch doesn’t that calf have a mother?????”
There was a butcher who lived right on top of his store and one night he heard some wierd noises and tip-toed downstairs and saw he 19-year old daughter masturbating with some liverwurst.
So he went back up stairs shaking his head. The next day a woman asked for some liverwurst and the butcher said they had none. She pointed to the liverwurst hanging and the butcher said “that’s my son in law”.
Yo mamma is so fat, you could use her belly button for a cerial bowl!
Yo mamma is so fat, when God said let there be light all of the people told her to move.
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: It’s cute but can you breath out of it?
You ask: Would you wear shoes if you had no feet.
She says: No
You say: Then why do you wear a bra if you have not tits.
Q: What is the similarity between Girls and an Airplane?
A: Both have Cockpits.
Q: What is the similarity between Cassette & Girl?
A: You can use them on either side.
1. THE DOCTOR : because he says :
“Take off your clothes”
2. THE DENTIST : because he says :
“Open wide”
3. THE HAIRDRESSER : because he says :
“Do you want it teased or blown?”
4. THE MILKMAN : because he says :
“Do you want it in the front or the back?”
5. THE INTERIOR DECORATOR : because he says :
“Once it’s in, you’ll love it”
6. THE STOCK BROKER: because he says:
“It will rise right up, fluctuate for a while and then slowly fall back again”
7. THE BANKER : because he says :
“If you take it out too soon, you’ll lose interest”
8. THE HUNTER : because he says :
“I go deep in the bush, shoot twice and always eat what I shoot”
9. THE AT&T GUY : because he says :
“Would you like it on the table or against the wall?”